Thank you Junelle for giving me a new look at lambs. Sheep. The whole mangey bunch. And thank you God for softening my heart. For breaking it even. Thank you Brian, for loving me. For forgiving me.
Lord remind me everyday that I am your little lost lamb. You came for me. You've captured my heart. Remind me.
http://www.yes-and-amen.com/search/label/barnyard
Well new neighbors moved in today. I almost broke out in tears when I saw them. It's not them really, they're nice I am sure. It's me. I am so sad that my heart feels so guarded. I don't want to make new friends. I do not want new neighbors. It hurts to make new friends and then for us to be separated. This marks the second summer when my 2 closest neighbors moved. That is the way it is here. I have written before of the transient space in which I live, it's still hard. Lord help me. Help me to be hospitable, open and kind. Help my heart to not fear but trust that You work it all out for good. Help me to realize everything in my life is according to your will, that you know what's going on and You have better plans for me than I could ever imagine. I will trust you.
In other news.... I've been counting my calories this week and well... HOLY COW! Have you ever counted your calories? I have to say, this is my first time! I can tell why my weight has not been where I want it to be these days. With out even trying I consumed around 2100 calories yesterday and today! YIKES! Ok and eating out.. any food.. is CRAZY! I love it so!! But something has got to give! I freaked out when I discovered my favorite McDonald's cheeseburger, the McDouble has like 390 Cals. I mean, it is small! Two Small Patties, they have much larger sandwiches. So sad. In addition to that, Brian and I went to On the Border on Sunday night, on Monday I wanted to count my calories for my 'left overs'. I was greatly disturbed to find out that my meal was around 1900 Calories. That is enough for a whole day! Oh man! I have to get on top of this, it is crazy and I will not become chubby bunny just because I am ignorant of how may calories are in my cheeseburger.
Lucky for me, my husband and I started working out together this week. YAY! I love working out with him. It makes me want to do better when he's there and let's be honest, it is a bummer to work out alone. So thank you Beloved for working out with me, I am so glad to have you jumping around on the mat next to me!
This blog is quite random I know, but I have been looking at many blogs lately, and they are so inspiring. I want to blog more, so this is a start. I want my blog to become something to me, but I'm not sure yet, so in the mean time, here are my meanderings.
One last note. I have an account on Grooveshark. It is awesome. It's an online music site. One thing that I have been LOVING lately is listening to whole albums. When was the last time you listened to a whole album. Instead of just playing the radio, your Ipod on shuffle or a little Pandora, why don't you try listening to a whole album. It's great because there are so many songs that aren't on the radio. Try it out. Heck, try out a new artist, you never know what you'll love next. Right now I'm listening to The ArchAndroid album by Janelle Monae, last night it was Ohmega Watts and this morning Lanae Hale. May you find music that makes your heart happy.
I think spring has come, but I am nervous to write these words, because the instant I do it will probably start raining again. It is beautiful. There are flowers in front of my apartment, and I can see the buds on the trees bursting, getting ready to come out! :) EEK! YAY!! The sun has been coming out! There are even flowers on one of the trees across the street. They must be confused you see, they are showing their bright beautiful pink faces, but It is still only February. But shhhh. I wont tell them, because I am glad they've come out! I am so glad. I cannot stop praising God for the sun shine. I feel so much better when it comes out! Thank you Lord for being gracious towards me. Thank you for letting the sun shine in Portland just for me! I feel so rejuvinated by it! Oh and Lord, thank you for being so gracious with me. You continually call me back, and you continually pour your love out in my heart. I am so blessed to see your beauty all around me, not only in the flowers, but in the people around me. Thanks for new friends, and fun friends. Lord thank you for old friends, and for family friends. Sometimes I just can't believe how you've blessed me. Please let the sun continue to shine in my heart, even when it doesn't show its face in the sky, and please help my heart to be overflowing with that same shine, so that I can shine the Son on those around me. I love you Jesus.
Oh blog. I miss you so. I have neglected you in a way that no blogger ever should. It's not because this is what I wanted. I didn't want to go a month and a half without writing a blog. but.. that's what happens when you have life. Sometimes it just gets in the way of the simpler things. Like sitting around with your hubby listening to old country music. Which is what I'm doing now. He's playing chess. He's such a handsome, romantic sexy chess nerd. :) I don't really think he's a nerd though. I can't lie. I love him so much. Sometimes I'm not a great wifey, but he always thinks I am. I think he's the best husband in the world. I don't know if you know this; but he works so hard! He works a full time Job! Like physical labor job. and he goes to school Full time-not wimpy school. hard school. and he writes like 20 page papers, and does good in class, and is Smart! and He teaches Sunday School. and helps me with my ministry too! And you know what else... it doesn't matter how busy he is, he still makes time to be sweet to me, and to kiss me like a million times before he goes out the door because I like won't let him leave with out doing it. And he spends time with me, just me, and he likes it! I am so the luckiest girl on earth.
We recently went on a two week road trip back and forth between Utah and San Diego, I didn't get tired of him the whole time! I don't get sick of spending time with him. It's so much better when he's here. Lucky me that I get to spend the rest of my life with him. Or i should say Blessed me! I am so blessed. I do not deserve the gift that I have been given.
And that's what makes God so great! He turns ashes to beauty. I've made the wrong decisions time after time, I've lost sight of Jesus, I've tried to ignore him, but He pursues me. He redeems me. He has poured out grace after grace. Redemption after redemption. Beauty after beauty. He continually opens my eyes to how great he is and how much he loves me. I don't understand how He would suffer so much for me, just to love me. He doesn't get sick of spending time with me. He doesn't get annoyed when I act dumb, he forgives me for my mistakes and failures, and he makes me new. He looks at me and sees a forgiven beauty. He is so faithful! so amazing. He has blessed me with a husband who loves me so much, and it helps me to understand how he loves me. and to love him more. Jesus, thanks for choosing me as your bride, thanks for seeing me as your chosen one and not as the adulterous woman i deserve to be seen as. You alone are God. You alone are loving. You alone are grace poured out!
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